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One of the more difficult parts of parenting a child with autism,
and something that can be hard to talk about, is the embarrassment you may feel about your child's behavior. As parents, we're not supposed to feel embarrassed about our children, yet we're also taught that children should behave, and if they don't, it's probably a result of faulty parenting.

This belief system can be very disempowering, especially for a
parent of a child with autism, because it's impossible to control
everything your child does. At those times when your child is
acting strangely or falling apart, you can feel embarrassed or
angry about the judgment you may feel from others. As a result, you may feel pressure to do something against your instincts, such as punish your child, just to save face, to look like you're in
control, or to assuage your anger.

In reality, just like the sadness issue, how you feel about others'
opinions is completely up to you. Believe it or not, you can choose
to feel however you like when your child throws a tantrum in the
mall. You don't have to feel unhappy just because your child is
unhappy, or because others may judge you or your child. It's
possible to empathize with your child in the situation while
remaining happy and calm, or at least neutral and calm.

Next time you're in such a situation, ask yourself this question-

"Which attitude would best serve me, my child, and this situation?
Happy and calm, or embarrassed and angry?" My guess is that happy and calm would be the better choice in most situations, but
ultimately your mindset is up to you. You cannot be influenced by
others' opinions, your child's feelings, or anything else, unless
you decide that you can.

Now let's turn for a moment to the person who is judging your
child. This is someone who is judging a child with special needs.
What exactly does that say about them? In reality, their judgment doesn't define you or your child at all. Instead, their judgment
defines them as someone who needs to judge. It has nothing to do with you or your child.

If your child could do better right now, he would. In time he will
do better, no matter what's happening at this moment. If you choose happiness instead of embarrassment, you can best support your child when he needs you most, even while he's falling apart at the mall.

Sandra Sinclair

www.autismvoice.com

Keywords: embarrassment, support, PDD, Autism, ASD, AS, advocate

Technorati Tags: embarrassment, support, PDD, Autism, ASD, AS, advocate

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Re: Parenting Autism- Getting Past the Embarrassment

by Anonymous on Sat 11 Nov 2006 01:26 PM EST | Permanent Link

Embarrassment? Perish the thought! Rhino hide and a warped sense of humor is all you need to hold you horn up high.
Best wishes

Re: Parenting Autism- Getting Past the Embarrassment

by Mary Tepas on Fri 17 Nov 2006 10:41 AM EST | Permanent Link

I used to get embarrassed. Now I do what needs to be done in each situation, and then if need be, after the meltdown is averted or completed I explain that my son is not bad he's Autistic. I would love to ask people to put themselves in my shoes for just one day before they judge my parenting skills.

I will agree with anonymous...I've got some thick skin.

Re: Parenting Autism- Getting Past the Embarrassment

by ROBERTA on Mon 25 Dec 2006 01:50 AM EST | Permanent Link

I REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, YOU DO WHATEVER IS BEST FOR YOU TO DEAL WITH YOUR CHILD, MY SON TAKES TANTRUMS AND I DO WHATEVER MAKES HIM FEEL SAFE , I DONT PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT PEOPLE SAY, HIS TRUST IN ME AND SELF ASTEEM IS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME, IF THAY DONT UNDERSTAND THEN THSY DONT NEED TO LOOK, I WANT HIM TO ALWAYS KNOW THAT IM HERE FOR HIM, AND I UNDERSTAND HIM, I WOULD NEVER TRY N MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE I DONT WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE GOES THRU, SOMETIMES ITS HARD TO DEAL WITH BUT I ALWAYS THINK ID RATHER HAVE HIM LIKE HE IS THAN NEVER HAVE HIM AT ALL.

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Next time you're in such a situation, ask yourself this question-

If your child could do better right now, he would. In time he will do better, no matter what's happening at this moment. If you choose happiness instead of embarrassment, you can best support your child when he needs you most, even while he's falling apart at the mall.

Sandra Sinclair

www.autismvoice.com

If your child could do better right now, he would. In time he will
do better, no matter what's happening at this moment. If you choose happiness instead of embarrassment, you can best support your child when he needs you most, even while he's falling apart at the mall.