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Monday, November 27
Son-Rise New Frontiers Program
by
sandrasinclair
on November 27, 2006 03:08PM (EST)
I highly recommend the Son-Rise program for autism. Son-Rise, like RDI, is very empowering for parents, because as a parent you realize how very important you are and how much influence you really have on your child's progress.
Most children with autism respond well to Son-Rise, because the program establishes trust quickly with the child and as a result, they are usually more willing to interact with you more and accept more because of that level of trust and interaction. I also love how there are no limits or expectations put on how far your child can go with this program. There is a healing that happens in your heart and mind for your child and for your family regarding what autism means to you through Son-Rise, and I'm very grateful for their approach.
Shortly before Thanksgiving, John and I were fortunate enough to attend the Son-Rise New Frontiers Program in Sheffield Massachussetts.
Son-Rise, like RDI, focuses on the interpersonal, communication and flexibility goals first, then uses those skills to build other friendship and conversational skills, and focuses lastly on academics, reasoning, self-help, and motor skills.
New Frontiers is an advanced training program that builds on the foundation of the Son-Rise Start-Up. In New Frontiers, we learned specifics on how to establish program goals, and the techniques on how to achieve them, as well as looking at our own beliefs about what's possible.
We learned how to use both our child's activities and our activities to achieve our goals - to build length of interactional attention, to increase flexibility, to build language and communication skills, and ultimately to build friendship and conversational skills.
This is not done in a static way, but rather in a more flexible way, through interactive play and later on adding role plays, always adding to what we're doing and what we've done before. We learned how to keep growing and expanding our goals and activities to make them gradually more and more complex and changeable over time so that a child can learn how to deal with the world effectively within our program first.
We also learned how to be students of ourselves- regarding our feelings, attitudes and beliefs about our child, ourselves, our program, and how our child exists in our world. This is the only program out there that deals with the head and heart of the parent, and the people working with your child. You learn how to learn from yourself and from your child, how to examine and question your beliefs about what's possible and what's important, and how to ultimately be in a good place with all of this, while always trying for more.
The foundational idea of Son-Rise is total acceptance of the child as he is, while always extending kind invitations for more growth. Son-Rise goes with the child instead of against the child, so the child feels some control and trust in working and playing with you, and that helps the child to feel safe about gradually allowing new things in. Consequently, there are very few "no's" at the beginning. Once the child has mastered basic flexibility, social, and communication skills, that's when more "no's" start to come in.
In my experience, when a child is learning the basic stuff about how to be flexible, how to trust another, how to communicate and how to interpret and respond to the world around them, that you can use Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) or Son-Rise. However, just speaking from my own experience, Son-Rise is probably the easiest and quickest way to get through those really tough early stages with the least amount of resistance from your child.
I'm so glad that we looked into Son-Rise. It's a highly practical and healing way to remediate a child's autism.
Sandra Sinclair, www.autismvoice.com
Saturday, November 11
Parenting Autism- Getting Past the Embarrassment
by
sandrasinclair
on November 11, 2006 06:00AM (EST)
One of the more difficult parts of parenting a child with autism,
and something that can be hard to talk about, is the embarrassment you may feel about your child's behavior. As parents, we're not supposed to feel embarrassed about our children, yet we're also taught that children should behave, and if they don't, it's probably a result of faulty parenting.
This belief system can be very disempowering, especially for a
parent of a child with autism, because it's impossible to control
everything your child does. At those times when your child is
acting strangely or falling apart, you can feel embarrassed or
angry about the judgment you may feel from others. As a result, you may feel pressure to do something against your instincts, such as punish your child, just to save face, to look like you're in
control, or to assuage your anger.
In reality, just like the sadness issue, how you feel about others'
opinions is completely up to you. Believe it or not, you can choose
to feel however you like when your child throws a tantrum in the
mall. You don't have to feel unhappy just because your child is
unhappy, or because others may judge you or your child. It's
possible to empathize with your child in the situation while
remaining happy and calm, or at least neutral and calm.
Next time you're in such a situation, ask yourself this question-
"Which attitude would best serve me, my child, and this situation?
Happy and calm, or embarrassed and angry?" My guess is that happy and calm would be the better choice in most situations, but
ultimately your mindset is up to you. You cannot be influenced by
others' opinions, your child's feelings, or anything else, unless
you decide that you can.
Now let's turn for a moment to the person who is judging your
child. This is someone who is judging a child with special needs.
What exactly does that say about them? In reality, their judgment doesn't define you or your child at all. Instead, their judgment
defines them as someone who needs to judge. It has nothing to do with you or your child.
If your child could do better right now, he would. In time he will
do better, no matter what's happening at this moment. If you choose happiness instead of embarrassment, you can best support your child when he needs you most, even while he's falling apart at the mall.
Sandra Sinclair
Friday, November 3
Parenting Autism- Getting Past the Sadness
by
sandrasinclair
on November 3, 2006 06:18AM (EST)
I remember feeling quite sad for a long time about my son's autism, and at times that feeling still overtakes me, but now things are different, because I understand that what the rest of the world has decided is a tragedy is not necessarily one. I have chosen not to follow what everyone else thinks I should feel. Instead, I choose to feel happy most of the time, because I don't think my child is a tragedy at all, and I wrote two articles about this - one caled Getting Past the Sadness, and one called Getting Past the Embarrasment. Both are about our acceptance or not of other people's views and attitudes.
- Sandra Sinclair
Parenting Autism- Getting Past the Sadness
It's very common for a parent of an autistic child to sometimes feel quite sad about his or her child's autism. After all, every parent wants his or her child to be accepted, to live a happy life, and to make all of their dreams a reality. In fact, you may have experienced an overwhelming feeling of sadness upon hearing of your child's autism, as our society has long held the idea that your child's condition is tragic and incurable.
But I invite you to look at things in a different way. Perhaps you can look at your child as not tragic or incurable, but rather, as unique and remarkable.
In our society, people who are different are often seen as unfortunate, sad cases. But if you think about it, your child is probably a pretty amazing person. His autism is actually a part of who he is, and he's probably not sad about it at all, unless society has convinced him otherwise.
Imagine if our society held autism up as an incredibly marvelous thing. In that case, most of us would be pretty happy about our child's autism, right? Our child would still be autistic, but our perception of what that means would be different, and so would our resulting emotional response.
In either case, society is telling us how we should feel- happy or unhappy. But in reality, no one else can dictate your feelings, unless you allow it. You truly decide how you feel from moment to moment. You decide if you're going to buy someone else's idea about how you should feel. And yes, you can decide to be happy or unhappy, despite what everyone has told you. You can decide to be happy now, without waiting till your child is recovered. I'm not talking about denial, where you're pushing down feelings and pretending they're not there. I'm actually talking about making the decision to be truly happy.
That doesn't mean that you give up on hoping and trying for more. If you can hope and work for your child's best outcome without making your happiness dependent upon it, and if you fully accept your child as he is now, even with his autism, then your child will feel that acceptance and positive expectation, and will respond by believing in himself.
No matter how many gloom and doom predictions others make about your child, you ultimately decide what you believe. Making the decision to fully accept your child and to be happy now, while trying for the best possible outcome will give your child what he needs- lots of learning opportunities in an accepting and loving environment.
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